“She’s, like, 90 years old. I’m not going to ask her about sex!” says the cringing resident. “She’s older than my grandmother!”
Well, my young friend, our 80- and 90-year-old patients were in their 20s and 30s in the 1960s. You can bet some of them were pretty groovy! A Swedish study of septuagenarians revealed a shift in sexual attitudes: from 5% of 70-year-old women in the 1970s citing sex as a positive aspect of life, to 78% in 2000. Those of us in practice who came of age during the AIDS era and alongside the purity movement of the 1990s can be more sexually reserved than our grandparents. We might need to catch up. In fact, in another study, 82% of 97-year-old female participants felt that being asked about their sexuality in healthcare settings was positive.
Given the high prevalence of dementia among this population, it may be useful to know that positive sexual expression may delay cognitive decline. We also have evidence that sexual satisfaction is important for relational health, which in turn helps predict physical health.
Shed the Dysfunction Mindset
Our medical bias has been that a fulfilling sexual life requires a hard penis and a lubricated vagina. This view of the range of healthy and satisfying sexual expression is lamentably limited. Older adults may have more problems with physiologic arousal in the form of more erectile dysfunction and decreased vaginal lubrication, but these issues may lead to partnerships in which there is less insertive/receiving sexual play and more oral sex, cuddling, kissing, and other forms of partnered sexual play. Older adults may focus less on performance and more on intimacy. In fact, as heterosexual couples encounter these physiologic changes, their sexual behavior may begin to focus more attention to female pleasure. Good news for older women!
As described by Dutch sexuality and aging expert Woet Gianotten, MD, older adults have a lot going for them in their sex lives. Many are retired with more time available, less work stress, greater comfort and familiarity with their partners, and less insecurity about their bodies.
Common Concerns
Many older adults are having satisfying sexual play and are less bothered by changes in their sexual physiology. Still, for those who aren’t happy with their sex lives, clinicians must be ready to address these concerns.
Nancy, an 87-year-old patient whose husband died 5 years ago after 59 years of marriage, has just met someone new. When they are intimate physically, she’s not feeling aroused in the way she recalls, and wonders, Where have my orgasms gone?
A host of physical changes among older women can affect the sexual experience, including the vulvovaginal changes of genitourinary syndrome of menopause (GSM), incontinence, uterine prolapse, diminished sensation, and reduced overall mobility. Although aging is responsible for some of these changes, chronic diseases and medical treatments can play an even larger role.
GSM is a major contributor to sexual pain, genital irritation, and reduced arousal and orgasm. It’s crazy that we don’t ask about and treat GSM. Beyond the sexual impact, the vaginal dryness of GSM can contribute to urinary tract infections, which can lead to sepsis and even death! Vaginal estrogens and other GSM treatments are safe and effective in the vast majority of women. Vaginal moisturizers, vaginal dilators, and increasing genital blood flow also help improve GSM.
Vaginal dilators are used in the management of vaginal stenosis, when the vaginal skin has contracted as a result of GSM or pelvic radiation to treat cancer. Dilators are also used to treat some forms of high-tone pelvic floor dysfunction. For expert guidance and coaching on the use of dilators, seek out sexual medicine specialists and pelvic floor physical therapists. Pelvic floor physical therapy is important in the management of a wide range of sexual concerns, from reduced arousal and orgasm to almost any kind of sexual pain.
For postmenopausal women who are distressed by hypoactive sexual desire disorder, transdermal low-dose testosterone may be considered when other causes of low libido have been ruled out.
Due to changes in nerve fiber sensitivity over time, older age is an ideal phase of life to incorporate higher-intensity vibration and other sexual devices into solo and partner sex. Mobility limitations and joint pain can be addressed with devices designed specifically for this purpose or with the use of pillows and other supports.
As Betty Dodson, a staunch advocate for women’s pleasure until her death in 2020 at 91, wisely said, “Masturbation will get you through childhood, puberty, romance, marriage, and divorce, and it will see you through old age.” We can encourage women to see sexual play and pleasure flexibly, as a lifelong process of self-knowledge and discovery.