I am reading an excellent book called “Choosing Civility,” by P. M. Forni, cofounder of the John Hopkins Civility Project. It is a quick read and is a book that, in particular, all politicians, reporters, and political pundits should read. Most of it deals with common-sense good manners – things your mother taught you. The chapter that has been the most difficult for me to read (and to apply in practice) was the one on listening. I must admit I have been, or am guilty of being, a poor listener. I often try to expedite things by jumping ahead of where the speaker is going, my logic being that I am saving everyone time. In reality, I am probably distorting what the speaker intends to say and certainly not endearing myself to the speaker.
Dr. Brett M. Coldiron
This is, of course, a classic example of attention deficit disorder with which I am certain I am afflicted. I have to make a deliberate effort to pause in my responses to speakers so that they can finish what they have to say. This is extremely hard for those of us who have this problem. I have made progress over the years and can attend committee meetings and say very little, except an occasional clarification query. I make a deliberate attempt to be civil and respect other’s comments. I have learned to let meetings reach their natural conclusion, which takes great patience when we could have arrived there hours earlier if I had interrupted and been less civil. If that course is taken, you will not have the buy in from all participants, and any decision made might not stick.
Luckily, almost all our discussions in organized medicine are civil, and our behavior has improved. The attending surgeon throwing instruments at the nurse or hitting the resident with a retractor – incidents that I have personally witnessed – would not be tolerated today. Our medical meetings are usually civil, if not downright boring.
Of course, patients who are ill or anxious are exempt from any civility requirement. They need comfort and reassurance, as much as a discussion of their diagnosis and treatment plan. They are allowed to be uncivil in their questions and responses.
A few years ago, when I was training a fellow who was Black, I was horrified when one of my patients treated him with disdain and a gross racist attitude. This patient was uncivil, which of course had nothing to do with his diagnosis or treatment. I excused the fellow, discussed this with the patient, and tried to explain that the doctor’s skin color had nothing to do with his training or competence. I went further and told him that if this continued, he would be excused from my practice, which he eventually was. I apologized to the fellow, who, after living in his skin his whole life, had already shaken it off, having heard it all before. Living in my bubble I had thought this type of uncivil behavior was long gone, but not so.
This topic has received discussion and policy action at the American Medical Association. The AMA has adopted a new policy that “recognizes racism as a public health threat and commits to actively work on dismantling racist policies and practices across all of health care,” according to an AMA press release. This includes a recommendation to “clearly and openly support physicians, trainees, and facility personnel who experience prejudiced behavior and discrimination by patients, including allowing physicians, trainees, and facility personnel to decline to care for those patients, without penalty, who have exhibited discriminatory behavior specifically toward them,” according to the AMA report.
As far as I go, not to worry; I still have personal issues to work on. My wife’s favorite song is by Alison Krauss when she sings, “you say it best when you say nothing at all.”
Dr. Coldiron is in private practice but maintains a clinical assistant professorship at the University of Cincinnati. He cares for patients, teaches medical students and residents, and has several active clinical research projects. Dr. Coldiron is the author of more than 80 scientific letters, papers, and several book chapters, and he speaks frequently on a variety of topics. He is a past president of the American Academy of Dermatology. Write to him at dermnews@mdedge.com.