Often the bedtime complaint is “curtain calls” after being settled in bed. For children who call out, advise parents wait a few moments before responding, then reassure verbally without entering their room, waiting longer each time. For the child getting out of bed, one parent should lead them back without talking at all as many times as necessary. A reward for staying in bed without calling or coming out can be an extra story the next night and/or a morning reward. Alternatively, close the door and turn off the light if they come out or call out. After a few moments in the dark, give a “second chance” as long as they are quietly in bed. Gating the doorway works well for toddlers – sleeping on the floor is not dangerous!
Families often are ambivalent about asking for bedtime advice, thinking your solutions might be stressful, harmful to their relationship, or will take up their own precious sleep. For many, a prolonged bedtime is the best part of their day. Special Time earlier is often key to enforcing a healthy bedtime. Reassure them that these solutions usually take less than 3 weeks!
For the child, bedtime means giving up on fun but, more importantly, separation from the parent. This separation is harder if negative emotions are left from a day of behavior struggles or parents are even subtly angry at each other. For parents, bedtime means separating from their main pleasure in life. They also may be regretting their interactions during the day. Ambivalence about parting also may come from fears of being alone with their partner due to marital discord, intimate partner violence, chronic arguing, substance use, or simply depression. When simple advice fails, it is important to explore these meanings with families, encourage positive daytime behavior management methods, and avoid conflict in front of the children to resolve bedtime struggles.
Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at the Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS (www.CHADIS.com). She has no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to Frontline. E-mail her at pdnews@frontlinemedcom.com.