As the parents of the 19 children shot dead Tuesday in Uvalde, Tex., by a teen gunman grapple with unspeakable grief and funeral preparations, the survivors and their families are dealing with their own angst and likely much more.
While the parents understandably feel lucky that their children made it out, what about the long-term effect on their children of witnessing that carnage, of seeing classmates, friends, and teachers die violently as they stood by helpless and fearful?
The outcome over the next few days, months, and years depends on many factors, but how parents address the trauma both immediately and long-term can make a huge difference, experts say.
Posttraumatic growth
Best long-term case scenario? Survivors can experience what experts call posttraumatic growth – reaching out to give back to society, to make the world a better place, and changing who they are and their view of the world.
A prime example of posttraumatic growth: A month after a teen gunman killed 17 students at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Fla., on Valentine’s Day 2018, an army of survivors from that day’s bloodbath headed to Washington, D.C., for the now-famous March for Our Lives. The student-led demonstration, with hundreds of thousands of supporters marching, called for gun control legislation and an end to gun violence. It remains a vibrant, nonprofit organization still advocating for universal background checks and increased support of mental health services.
No sign of future violence
While most children and teens who witness school violence won’t become high-profile activists, as survivors of Parkland and the numerous other school shootings have, neither will they become the next active shooter, mental health experts say. They can’t point to a study that follows the gun violence victims that shows who does OK and who doesn’t, but they know immediate support and therapy can go a long way to recovery.
“I can’t tell you how any particular child will do,” says Robin Gurwitch, PhD, psychologist and professor at Duke University Medical Center, Durham, N.C. “I can tell you the majority of kids will be OK.”
However, that doesn’t mean a surviving child won’t have behavior and other issues, she says. Research does suggest the next few days, weeks, or months will be rough.
What parents and other caretakers do in the days after the violence will help predict the long-term outcome. Dr. Gurwitch and other experts say it’s important to first focus on what they call “psychological first aid,” then phase in therapy such as trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy, if and when it’s needed.
First, ‘psychological first aid’
“Psychological first aid is designed to minimize the impact down the road,” Dr. Gurwitch says. “Validate that they are feeling scared or worried.”
Some may be angry, another understandable emotion. In the first few days of witnessing violence – or even just hearing about it – parents should expect clinginess, sleep problems, behavior meltdowns, and irritability, she says.
“Those kinds of changes are likely to last a few weeks,” she says.
If day-to-day functioning is very difficult, “don’t wait for those to pass,” Dr. Gurwitch says. “Reach out for help. Resources will be available. Check with your pediatrician or family physician.”
At home, parents can address specific problems related to the experience, Dr. Gurwitch says. If it’s sleep, she says, parents and kids can work together to figure out how to ease sleep, such as listening to their favorite music before bedtime.
While parents may be inclined to baby the kids after the violence, Dr. Gurwitch says it’s important to maintain routines. So it’s not cruel to insist they do their chores.