Parents are relieved when school starts up again in the fall. Kids also are eager to see their friends and go on to the next level of learning.
Or are they?
This year brings a greater mix of feelings than usual for many families.
Many parents and children have new worries: Are children going to be safe at school from COVID, bullies, and shooters? Are they going to be ready to learn at this next level after the intermittent schooling of the past 2+ pandemic years of Zoom school, home school, or no school? Are they going to be able to separate after months of closeness/entanglement? Are they going to be able to catch up academically and fit in socially?
Dr. Barbara J. Howard
Children may have additional worries about how they have changed over the pandemic. Will my former friends still accept me now that I am heavier, showing puberty, experiencing acne, or feeling depressed or anxious?
While most of these worries occurred in some form after other summer breaks, they may be exacerbated by the length and degree of uncertainty we have all been through.
Often, health supervision visits are happy reunions with our patients when we hear about their growth and goals. We hope that is true this year, too, but we need to be vigilant and open to discussing the worries just mentioned.
What can we do to help ease this magnified transition?
First, we need to be open to their worries. Echoing back their concerns and noting how they are understandable and common can be reassuring when families have been isolated and missing interactions that might have made this clear. Second, we can remind them of the steps that assist in any transition. Now more than ever they need to collect information by visiting the new classroom, meeting teachers, and attending open house meet-and-greets. Older students may do better by looking over textbooks or a syllabus to see what will be covered. Making an effort to meet kids and families new to the school is a kind gesture but also helps the experienced child take some initiative and feel more confident.
Setting up an organizational system for homework from the start is valuable as work gets harder and is especially important for kids with ADHD. Single-subject folders, an assignment book tracking short-term and long-term projects, a plan for a specific homework time and place, a bookbag checklist by the door, or even a homework buddy and duplicate textbooks may be needed. Any kind of active steps toward organization can reduce anxiety.
Third, adjusting to the new schedule can take time. The most important adjustment is resetting the child’s sleep-wake cycle. You can recommend a move of 1 hour per day closer to the required wake up time and a corresponding bedtime that affords at least 8 hours (for tweens and teens; 9-12 hours for younger children), then maintaining the sleep schedule within 1 hour 7 days per week. Keep phones and tablets out of the bedroom. If children over 4 (including teens) have been napping over the summer, this needs to stop. Shifting mealtimes to fit the new schedule helps. Ensuring that lights are dimmed in the evening and bright in the morning has been shown to help the brain adjust.
A “new school year” is a good time for families to set new goals. Summer is often a time of fun, freedom, and new things. Parents may need your encouragement to exert leadership after months of cutting slack for their kids during COVID. Setting new goals such as greater responsibilities, music lessons, or household rules can be balanced by higher allowance and new earned privileges. Planning things to look forward to in the new year can be a family activity with a pleasant tone rather than just evoking protest. Suggest involving everyone in brainstorming crazy, out-of-the-box ideas (large and small) without censorship at first – for instance, go on a Mars mission; have pizza for breakfast; get yoga lessons; borrow binoculars to see Saturn; have a dog party! Everyone should be heard and their creativity celebrated. The list can then be narrowed down and marked on a calendar, starting soon.
Wait, you are hearing, how do we get our child off media to achieve this? Changing the rules about media use is never easy, and more now than ever. It is not just that kids are addicted to media, but it has been their main connection to peers during the pandemic. The “information” about/from peers, cliques, bullies, and world news may also be contributing to anxiety about returning to school. They may feel that they “need to know” even though it is upsetting. You can help kids verbalize the pros and cons of media use and possible addiction for themselves. How important media is to them needs to be acknowledged but ownership of the device and the final rules about this life-altering exposure must belong to the parents.
Sharing the AAP Family Media Plan to set proportions of time for school, homework, exercise, media (less than 2 hours for nonhomework), fun, and sleep can set an objective structure for the conversation. Parents may need to change their own media habits too!
While we pediatricians may normalize worries to reassure patients and parents, we also need to be alert to children and families in need of help. Many children have developed significant anxiety, depression, or substance use during the pandemic while out of our oversight but may not bring it up. Bereavement, which affected so many families during the pandemic, may not resolve smoothly. Families may have lost support, jobs, housing, or health insurance and need help connecting with assistance. Use of screening tools can ensure these are not missed, while remembering that functional impairment (social, academic, daily living, distress) is what differentiates normal from abnormal. We may be able to counsel them ourselves or refer them.
All this may be happening for you and your family, too. It can be difficult to assist others when we are struggling ourselves. We have been called on to cope when everything has been uncertain and our patients are sad, angry, or distrustful, with no end to the stress in sight. Sharing with colleagues, taking a break, or getting help for yourself may need to be a new goal for the school year, too.
Dr. Howard is assistant professor of pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, Baltimore, and creator of CHADIS. She had no other relevant disclosures. Dr. Howard’s contribution to this publication was as a paid expert to MDedge News. E-mail her at pdnews@mdedge.com.