The inevitable losses and the wins
For patients with metastatic disease, eventually the treatment options will run out.
Dr. Shatsky likes to be up front with patients about that reality: “There will come a day when I will tell you there’s nothing more I can do, and you need to trust that I’m being honest with you and that’s the truth.”
For Dr. Goodman, the devastation that bad news brings patients and families is glaring. He knows there will be no more normalcy in their lives.
“I see a lot of suffering, but I know the suffering happens regardless of whether I see it or not,” Dr. Goodman said.
That’s why holding on to the victories can be so important. Dr. Goodman recalled a young patient who came to him with a 20-cm tumor and is now cured. “Had I not met that individual and done what I had done, he’d be dead, but now he’s going to live his life,” Dr. Goodman said. “But I don’t wake up at 2 a.m. thinking about that.”
Dr. Shatsky gets a lot of joy from the wins – the patients who do really well, the times when she can help a friend or colleagues – and those moments go a long way to outweigh the hurt, worry, and workload.
When dealing with so much gray, “the wins are important, knowing you can make a difference is important,” Dr. Dizon said.
And there’s a delicate balance.
“I think patients want an oncologist who cares and is genuinely invested in their outcomes but not someone who is so sad all the time,” Dr. Lewis said. “When I lose a patient, I still grieve each loss, but I can’t mourn every patient’s death like it’s a family member. Otherwise, I’d break.”
What would you do if you had terminal cancer?
Dr. Dizon recalled how a friend handled the news. She went home and made dinner, he said.
Ultimately, she lived for many years. She saw her kids get married, met her first grandchild, and had time to prepare, something not everyone gets the chance to do.
That’s why it’s important to “do what you normally do as long as you can,” Dr. Dizon said. “Live your life.”
A version of this article first appeared on Medscape.com.