Livin' on the MDedge

Teen junk-food rebels, 3-D printed hearts, and strategic java stockpiles


 

It’s the end of the world as we ... zzzzz

Of all the countries to take refuge in during an apocalypse, Switzerland has to be at the top of the list. Its mountainous terrain is a natural barrier to any zombie horde that’s heard that Swiss brains are as delicious as their chocolate. Not only that, the Swiss government stockpiles essential resources to sustain its people during times of war or emergency.

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All in all, it’s a pretty good deal.

Well, it’s a good deal so long as you don’t require a morning cup of coffee to stay fresh as you fight off armies of the undead, as the Swiss government has decreed that coffee is nonessential for life and will stop stockpiling it.

According to the Federal Office for National Economic Supply, “Coffee is not vital. ... that is, coffee contains almost no calories and therefore does not make any contribution to food security from a nutritional point of view.” Harsh words for a beverage that the Swiss consume at a rate of 9 kg per year, three times more than the British and twice that of Americans.

If the recommendation passes, the 3-month emergency supply, an amount topping 15,000 tons, would be returned to the corresponding manufacturers, who would pass the corresponding savings back to the consumer.

So, there’s some good news as the zombies breach your defenses because your guards fell asleep: At least the coffee was cheaper before the world ended.

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