Working without a net

My first hospital consult was also on my first day of practice, in July, 1998.

Dr. Allan M. Block

I was in a small room, subleased from an oncology group. My schedule, as first day schedules are, was sparse.

Around noon one of the oncology docs asked me to come to his exam room, so I went across the hall. There he had a lady in her late 50s, with known metastatic cancer. He’d brought her in for a few days of worsening headaches and diplopia, and my 10-second neurological exam showed dysconjugate gaze and dysarthria. He said he was admitting her to the hospital, and asked if I’d consult on her.

I hung out in the hospital’s MRI control room later that day, waiting for her images to come up. I was nervous, maybe even a little scared. In spite of having survived medical school, residency, and fellowship, I was worried I’d screwed up the case, somehow. If the MRI was normal, I’d look like an idiot. My career would be over, on day one. No one would ever consult me again.

Of course, the MRI showed a brainstem metastasis (in addition to other places), and my initial differential was correct. Good for me, terrible for the patient. I ordered Decadron, called the oncologist, spoke to the patient and her family, and went home. I followed her for maybe a another few days, mainly because I didn’t know what the protocol was for signing off.

Self-doubt is common in all fields, especially when starting out, but probably strongest in medicine. A lot depends on us getting the right answer – quickly – in cases like that one. In my case this was compounded by its being my first day of practice. There was no attending I could call for help. I was working without a net.

But the years of training paid off, I got the case right, and moved on. Twenty-three years later it seems silly that I was so worried. Nowadays I order the MRI, move to the next patient, and try not to think about it until the results come back or a nurse calls with a status change. If my initial impression is wrong, I move down the differential list.

But questioning ourselves, then or now, is still critical. It helps us think of other possibilities, avoid mistakes, and do what’s right for our patients.

It’s what makes us better doctors.

Dr. Block has a solo neurology practice in Scottsdale, Ariz.