1. Be proactive. Join organizations that support parents of LGBT youth such as Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG). Also, parents must be aware of their children’s behavior. If they are acting depressed, seek help. Having depression or anxiety increases the chances of engaging in risky behaviors, so the earlier parents address this, the better.
2. Make their child know what their views are on high risk-behaviors, such as substance use or having unprotected sex. They need to communicate their expectations clearly. If parents believe that drinking alcohol before the legal age is wrong, they should clearly let their children know that.
3. Make it easier for their child to tell parents what’s going on in their lives. Parents have to gain their children’s trust, be accessible (don’t answer texts while talking to them!), and be an active listener. LGBT youth may not ask parents for advice because they feel that because their parents are straight or cisgender, their life experiences do not apply. Being a member of an organization like PLFAG can be helpful, because parents can ask other parents who have experience raising LGBT youth for advice that works.
4. If parents’ children do something wrong, they should talk to them about how their actions were risky. Children will listen to parents if they view their parenting as legitimate and fair, which can only happen if there is a strong parent-child relationship. Being supportive of a child’s sexual orientation or gender identity is key here. And for the next time, it’s always good to role-play a scenario (for example, what to do if someone tries to make them drink at a party).
Parents of LGBT youth face many challenges. You can help these parents by encouraging them to accept and support their child’s sexual orientation or gender identity and provide parenting strategies relevant for LGBT youth. Most important of all, encourage them to seek support through organizations like PFLAG. With this support, parents can encourage healthy development in LGBT youth.
Resources for parents of LGBT youth
• The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) has information on the health of LGBT Youth and advice on parental monitoring in general.
• The Family Acceptance Project is a project researching ways to improve parent-child relationships in LGBT Youth.
• PFLAG is an organization that provides support for families of LGBT youth.
• Lead with Love is a film about how various types of families react to their children coming out to them.
References
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3. Huebner D. “Leading with Love: Interventions to Support Families of Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Adolescents,” The Register Report, Vol. 39. National Register of Health Service Psychologists, Spring 2013.
4. J GLBT Fam Stud. 2014 Jan;10(1-2):36-57.
5. Prof Psychol Res Pr. 2008 Apr;39(2):113-21.
6. “Behaviorism: Classic Studies” (Casper, Wyo: Endeavor Books/Mountain States Litho, 2009).
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8. Genet Psychol Monogr. 1967;75(1):43-88.
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10. “Parental Monitoring of Adolescents: Current Perspectives for Researchers and Practitioners” (New York: Columbia University Press, 2010).
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Dr. Montano is an adolescent medicine fellow at Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh of UPMC and a postdoctoral fellow in the department of pediatrics at the University of Pittsburgh. Email him at pdnews@frontlinemedcom.com.