Pounding heart, sweating, insomnia. Surges of dopamine, norepinephrine, and adrenaline. All symptoms of a very common yet frustrating condition: Falling in love.
The prognosis is vague. A prescription pad and knowledge of biochemistry aren’t helpful when it comes to relationships.
Medical training can consume decades when others are exploring relationships and starting families. There are few recent data on this, but
But there is hope! By age 36, the number of doctors in long-term relationships had overtaken everyone else by more than 10% for women and 20% for men. The Medscape 2022 Physician Happiness & Lifestyle Report found that 83% were in committed relationships, and even better, happy ones. At least three-quarters of doctors in every specialty described their partnerships as “very good” or “good.”
How should a single medical student, resident, or attending physician find happiness ever after in 2023? Sometimes Mr./Ms. Right can be found in the anatomy lab or hospital, with sparks flying between students or colleagues. But for many in health care, along with millions of others looking for love, the solution is dating apps.
When ‘MD’ is a turnoff
Dr. M, a psychiatry resident in California who prefers not to give her name, hadn’t found a life partner during college, grad school, or medical school. When she passed her final Step 3 board exam, she decided it was time to take the plunge. She signed up for popular dating apps like Hinge, Bumble, and Coffee Meets Bagel, but her dates seemed to follow a disappointing pattern.
“I met lots of guys, but it was incredibly rare to find another physician,” said Dr. M. “I found myself always wanting to talk about my life as a resident. More often than not, the guys would give me this blank stare as I complained about being on call or spoke about spending 12 hours a day studying for a board exam, or even the process of The Match and how I ended up in California.”
Both of Dr. M’s parents are physicians, and she grew up watching how they supported each other through residency, exams, and exhausting schedules. A relationship with another physician, her parents told her, would give both partners the best chance to understand each other’s lives. The problem was how to find one.
That was when Dr. M saw an ad for a dating app with a cute medical name: DownToDate, a play on the clinical evidence resource UpToDate. “I thought it was a meme,” she said. “It was this doctors-only app. I remember thinking, ‘this has to be a joke,’ but then it was very real.”
She signed up and was required to provide a photo of her ID and her NPI number. Immediately, men began “requesting a consult,” the app’s form of “liking” her profile, and sending her “pages” (messages).
DownToDate was created by another physician, Robin Boyer, MD, MBA, a pediatrics resident in Loma Linda, Calif. The inspiration came in 2020 during the initial COVID crisis. Exhausted from long and often heartbreaking shifts, Dr. Boyer was grateful for her husband’s unwavering support. But many of her coresidents weren’t so lucky. The women in particular talked about their dating struggles, and there was a recurring theme. They didn’t feel confident putting “physician” on a dating site profile.
“If you’re male and you tell people you’re a doctor, it seems like it really attracts people,” Dr. Boyer said. “But if you’re female, it brings up a lot of stereotypes where you’re perceived as too intimidating either as the breadwinner, being more educated, or having a [demanding] career. It does make it more difficult.”
Dr. Boyer met her husband in high school, and she had never used a dating app. She convinced a coresident, Celestine Odigwe, MD, to pursue the idea as partners. They began researching the market within their network and heard from over a thousand interested physicians, both men and women, heterosexual and LGBTQ+. They even created fake accounts on other sites to gauge how easy it is to falsify a profile. From these insights, the app took shape. It launched in 2021 and currently has more than 5000 verified users.